Katy Perry has been confusing us (me, my penis) since she came out. She kissed a girl and liked it: awesome.  Giant rack: awesome. She’s always dressed up like some sort of fruit or cartoon character: not so awesome, makes me feel creepy for oggling her giant rack.  On top of that, for the longest time I couldn’t figure out the difference between her and Zooey Deschanel, who apparantly is not Katy Perry.

Difference: Breasts

So thank God Katy Perry straightened things out for me with this photoshoot for Esquire to clear that whole matter up.  She’s attractive, mystery solved, it was old Mr. Jenkins, the janitor.  Okay I’m done.