Bret Stieghorst, excessively loud porn viewer and avid masturbator, was attacked by his neighbor…who was wielding a sword…to save a woman the neighbor thought was being raped.
How could you even give this interview? The absolute last thing I want to be interviewed for to be displayed on the nightly news would be that I watch porn at loud enough volumes that it actually sounds like the shrieks of a woman actually being raped in my apartment. So loud, in fact, that it comes to the point where my neighbor thinks “It’s fucking hero time, where’s my sword?” and busts in the door like He-Man to save the potential rape victim. The only way this could have been more awkward is if they made eye-contact right when he came through the door, sword/penis in hand.