Here it is! OMG!

I’d like to preface this matter of opinion by saying I’ve been in a relationship for almost a decade…and like almost any guy that’s in a relationship with a female, I’ve been subjected to multiple episodes of this infuriating show. That being said, I saw the new Sex & The City 2 trailer that got released today over at Videogum this morning, and it looks like some of the basic shit that always pissed me off about the show has decided to yet again rear its ugly head.  I’ve decided to put my opinions in AFTER the jump because I’m sure most of you just don’t care and I sure as hell don’t blame you.

I’m going to use the character names because in the end, it’s just a show, and this fact hasn’t escaped me.

1. Carrie is still a selfish bitch. I know the book and the show are supposed to be from her point of view.  However, that’s no excuse for the countless episodes I’ve seen of this self-centered asshole whining and complaining about some mundane relationship problem she’s having – with some unlucky chump that’s going to do something harmless that will be heavily scrutinized, criticized, and labeled as a “dealbreaker” by these cackling hens, at which point he will be abruptly cast aside (which she ironically criticizes men for) – while her friends are trying to jam words in sideways about more serious, sometimes life-threatening problems.  If that’s not enough, she bitches and moans about the fact that her husband didn’t want to get serious or married all these years, then the first chance she gets she goes slutting it up with her ex-guy (who is also married and has a kid) that she cheated on with her current husband, blindly rationalizing her selfish disregard for her current marriage as some bizarre twist of fate that can’t be ignored.  She is just the fucking worst and the main reason my blood boils when watching this interminable bullshit.

2. If you have a pill-a-day case (yes, even if it’s a designer one) you’re too fucking old to be slutty.  Coupled with the fact that Samantha has been aggressively receiving peen for more years than most of her conquests have been alive, I think it’s safe to say at this point half the STD’s this bitch emits have probably evolved into an airborne state.  Also, the slutty little jokes and skanky comments aren’t amusing anymore.  Old people should be giving life advice and going for early-morning walks in the mall with orthopedic, spotless white sneakers, not making sly references to their tomb of a vagina.

3. None of these females will ever be happy. If they stopped complaining and being generally unsatisfied with their lives, this show wouldn’t have made it past season 1. “I want to be marrrrrieed.  Now I’m married but it’s borinnng.” “I want to be a mommm.  Now I’m a mom and it’s harrrd.” Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

4. Charlotte is still the only bonable one. C’mon, her ass in that dress was the only sexy part of the whole trailer.  Miranda and Carrie look like some sort of snarling beast and the horse she rode in on, respectively, and I’ve already gone into the problems with trying to fornicate with Mother Willow.  Also, just because you get an animal a stylist, that doesn’t make her a fashion icon, it makes her a costumed animal that should be paraded about for the amusement of the general public.  The fact that any of the guys in the show would sleep with any of these women (besides Charlotte) is by far the biggest, gaping hole in any of the episode plotlines.

5. This is terrifying.

If I saw this coming at me in the dark, I’d kill it without hesitation.