High Definite/Actual News

Mark Zuckerberg Listed A Company On NASDAQ

by 5 years, 5 months ago Contribute
A Facebook status update that went up the same time a hoodied-up Zuckerberg rang the opening bell from Menlo Park, officially opening the doors on Facebook's massive IPO. For those of you trying to keep track of just how rich Zuckerberg is going to get throughout the day, here's a handy Wealth-o-Meter for your hating needs. Video h/t | Wealth-o-Meter h/t
Categories: Actual News, Images, Videos

“No One Bothered To Clean Her Up, Though A Teacher Did Give Her A Trash Bag To Wrap Around Herself.”

by 5 years, 6 months ago Contribute
That childhood-ruining time you pooped your pants in class...and it made the news...and your last name is Skidmore. Via
Categories: Actual News, Videos

Kony 2012: North Ugandans React

by 5 years, 7 months ago Contribute
In my opinion, The Daily What has consistently been the best source for thoughtful, well-researched articles in regards to the heartstring-yanking viral phenomenon, and today's post in regards to what actual North Ugandans think is just more fuel for what should be a rapidly spreading fire. After showing a screening of the infamous 30-minute video to over 35,000 people in the city of Lira, Al Jazeera's Malcolm Webb reported their reactions:
People I spoke to anticipated seeing a video that showed the world the terrible atrocities that they had suffered during the conflict, and the ongoing struggles they still face trying to rebuild their lives after two lost decades. The audience was at first puzzled to see the narrative lead by an American man – Jason Russell – and his young son. Towards the end of the film, the mood turned more to anger at what many people saw as a foreign, inaccurate account that belittled and commercialised their suffering, as the film promotes Kony bracelets and other fundraising merchandise, with the aim of making Kony infamous.
Video: Al Jazeera
Categories: Actual News, Videos

“Always Double Down On 11. Always.”

by 5 years, 8 months ago Contribute
How David Choe's 2005 bet is going to pay out, big time. From The New York Times:
In 2005, Mr. Choe was invited to paint murals on the walls of Facebook’s first offices in Palo Alto, Calif., by Sean Parker, then Facebook’s president. As pay, Mr. Parker offered Mr. Choe a choice between cash in the “thousands of dollars,” according to several people who know Mr. Choe, or stock then worth about the same. Mr. Choe, who has said that at the time that he thought the idea of Facebook was “ridiculous and pointless,” nevertheless chose the stock.
When Facebook stock trades publicly later this year, those shares  are expected to be worth upward of $200 million. Via
Categories: Actual News, Links

The Puppet’s Court

by 5 years, 9 months ago Contribute
What do you do if you're a local news station that doesn't have access to a corruption trial being held in Federal Court? Act out the court transcripts with puppets, naturally. Via
Categories: Actual News, Videos

Colbert For President of The United States of South Carolina

by 5 years, 9 months ago Contribute
After learning he polled higher than Jon Huntsman in South Carolina, Stephen Colbert's Super PAC made the following statement:
BASIC CABLE, USA – Americans For A Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow, an FEC registered Super PAC, today announced the addition of Jon Stewart to its executive board (along with the subtraction of Stephen Colbert). With this change the group, which had been known colloquially as Colbert Super PAC, can now be referred to as The Definitely Not Coordinating With Stephen Colbert Super PAC. They have already begun updating all of their letterhead with sharpie. "I am excited to take the reins of this completely independent organization, and begin to air ads in South Carolina," said New President and Noncommunication Director Jon Stewart. "But I want to be clear: Stephen and I have in no way have worked out a series of morse-code blinks to convey information with each other on our respective shows." Colbert is currently exploring a run for President of the United States of South Carolina. Because of this, he cannot be associated with any Super PACs, although he has asked Americans For A Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow to forward any periodicals of an "adult nature." * Americans A Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow is an independent, expenditure-only committee founded by Stephen Colbert in the wake of the Supreme Court's Citizens United ruling, then handed down to Jon Stewart like a pair of old dungarees.
Update: Now with video. Via
Categories: Actual News, Politics, Videos

“Congratulations On Your Big Hooters”

by 5 years, 10 months ago 1 Response
While the timing wasn't perfect, Ashton Altieri pretty much says what every man has always wanted to say to any woman with big hooters. Via
Categories: Actual News, Videos

Artist Spots Hidden Animals In Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa

by 5 years, 10 months ago Contribute
Oil painter and graphic designer Ron Piccirillo thinks that Leonardo da Vinci meant for the Mona Lisa to depict envy, based off of some images of animals he's discovered in the painting after turning it on its side that relate to some of da Vinci's thoughts on the subject. From The Daily What:
First, a lion’s head came into focus above the subject’s head. “Then I noticed the buffalo and I thought: ‘Oh my god’,” he says. “Then I realised I was really onto something.” Piccirillo believes the veiled menagerie — he later discovered an ape and a crocodile-snake creature as well — suggests da Vinci meant the Mona Lisa to depict envy. Piccirillo points to a passage in da Vinci’s journals which he says confirms his theory.
In the passage, da Vinci writes that the artist who wishes to paint envy must “give her a leopard’s skin, because this creature kills the lion out of envy and by deceit.” Piccirillo claims other passages on envy in da Vinci’s notes also indicate that he is referring to the Mona Lisa.
Read more at the Telegraph.
Categories: Actual News, Art, Artsy Sh*t

Stop Censorship

by 5 years, 11 months ago Contribute
I'm going to be a little more forthright than usual with this post because it is absolutely necessary due to the severity of the events at hand. This blog isn't my primary means of income. I have a day job that I work 50-60 hours a week at, and I just do this on the side for your amusement and a little extra cash. That being said, there are a ton of great sites, blogs, and start-ups whose very livelihoods are at risk due to the “PROTECT IP Act” in the Senate and the “Stop Online Piracy Act” in the House. I saw the video embedded above on several sites over the past week and didn't really pay attention to exactly what these acts intend to do until The Daily What succinctly put the fear of God in me like only Johnny Internets can. I highly suggest you go read the atrocious power this legislation will provide corporations on the web, sign this petition here as well as this petition here, and spread the word as far as you can to stop this bullshit in its tracks. Or do nothing, and watch some of the best sites the web has to offer (and this one) get sued and/or shut down. Further reading: Uproxx | BoingBoing | The Mary Sue | Gizmodo
Categories: Actual News, Videos

Joe Paterno Dismissed By Penn State, Students/Ashton Kutcher React

by 5 years, 11 months ago Contribute
After the announcement that Joe Paterno would be relieved of his coaching duties at Penn State effective immediately, students rioted on the campus, toppling news vans and tearing up street signs...and planking. Seriously. In the second most embarrassing gaff of the night, Ashton Kutcher took to his Twitter account to piss off everyone, then apologized for doing so and turned his account over to management, but not before a new hashtag was created. Video courtesy of NMA.