Update: Not him. Stupid internet.

Irish Willis Peele | Via

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Today I learned on 9/12/01 Steve Buscemi (top left) showed up at Little Italy’s Engine Company #55 (where he was a fire fighter from 1980-1984) to volunteer, working 12-hour shifts for a week looking for missing comrades. He reportedly refused to do interviews or have his picture taken, although it appears someone snapped off a shot anyway.

Reddit

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BarelyPolitical | Via

Kunis accepted the invitation after having it brought to her attention by Friends With Benefits co-star Justin Timberlake:

“Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? You need to do it for your country,” ["Benefits" co-star Justin] Timberlake asked Kunis excitedly, before sending out a direct message to Moore. “I’m going to work on this, man. This needs to go down.”After questioning her publicist if she knew about the invitation, the clearly flattered 27-year-old actress agreed.

“I’ll do it,” she confirmed.

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Transcript:

My Definite Chief Aim

I, Bruce Lee, will be the first highest paid Oriental super star in the United States. In return I will give the most exciting performances and render the best of quality in the capacity of an actor. Starting 1970 I will achieve world fame and from then onward till the end of 1980 I will have in my possession $10,000,000. I will live the way I please and achieve inner harmony and happiness.

Bruce Lee
1969

Letters of Note

Rosario Dawson grabs Paul Rudd’s junk while he simultaneously cops a feel after Paul spent some quality time with Eva Mendes’ luscious love melons (it’s not a stress ball, Paul), all in the name of presenting an award at the 2011 Independent Spirit Awards.

This one picture is better than the entire 2011 Oscars.

@MrDonaldGlover | Via | THD’s less interesting Twitter account

Fuck yeah, Ryan Gosling.

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Video here.

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Story and more ridiculous pictures here.

Happy Birthday Macaulay.

Terry Crews and the rest of the Expendables cast ring the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange.

Gawker

Fiiiine. | Via | Round 1

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Press release here.

Pic via

Robert Pattinson (it’s not “Patterson”? Huh.) has a spread in the 10th anniversary issue of Details with some very naked models…and will be paid to do so.  Just show up, take some pictures with naked models, call it a day…seems to me any quotes he has in regards to the experience would be pretty similar to an Oscar acceptance speech (“I’d like to thank God, my agent…”) because surely there wouldn’t be anything to complain about.  Oh wait:

“I really hate vaginas. I’m allergic to vaginas. But I can’t say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours…Thank God I was hungover.”

Totally. While most of us would have been on the ground weeping, having finally found religion due to the great fortune we just acquired, Bob relegates the experience to an episode of Fear Factor. I want to punch this dude in his brain so bad.

That speech in cloud form, with the words that appear more frequently in the speech given greater prominence.

Made with Wordle.

Read his classy ass statement after the jump:

From The NY Times’ Media Decoder:

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.

Yours,

Conan

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Here’s Ashley Greene in the new issue of Men’s Fitness. From what I can tell, she’s an actress whose rise to fame is largely attributable to the vampire movies that aren’t the Blade movies.  I literally can’t tell you a single other fact about her besides the fact that some nude photos of her leaked a couple weeks back and were promptly removed by some of the bigger ones thanks to her sue-happy lawyers.  So…in review: is naked sometimes, wasn’t in Blade.  Damn fine reporting.

Episode 1 – Diddy, Lindsay Lohan, Brooke Hogan

Episode 2 – Tila Tequila, Courtney Love, Jessica Simpson

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Although I absolutely hate reality television, I watched a couple episodes of this last night.  It wasn’t bad.  In the 2 episodes I watched, the little hotter one was making out with chicks and getting her thonged (and very nice) ass spanked, while the much larger one was hulking around learning basic life lessons like a gorilla trying to become acclimated to society.  After a few stiff drinks, this show will do the trick if you’re looking to laugh at spoiled, entitled, retarded “celebrities” try to navigate their way through basic life problems.

Moving on.

I’m staying at the Rennaisance In Hollywood and while walking around yesterday stumbled on the Inglourious Basterds premiere at the Chinese Theater since it was next to the hotel.  So, I was about 10 feet away from this female and I can personally attest to the fact that she is still one of the hottest on the planet.  I can also personally attest to the fact that getting a boner in a tightly packed crowd of people is just as awkward as it seems it would be. I’ll get the video up as soon as I can figure out how to convert it.  Also, if anyone knows how to edit out the audio of a blog editor screaming like a girl and sobbing, contact me.

Additional bonus…The Heeb’s review of the film…and it’s good.

Asylum is bringing a bunch of sites together to go all day August 4th without having Megan Fox’s hot ass being splayed all over every site on the planet.  I’m joining in the ban, mostly because I succumb really easily to peer pressure and wanting to be one of the group.  Also, I get the point of this and we do need to calm down with posting this female everywhere (oh look, Megan Fox looking hot again). My only complaint is that this wasn’t done a year ago, but for Heidi and Spencer, and forever. 

Additionally, Asylum is allowing you to put in your votes for who should replace her as the internet’s lady of choice and I’m going to have to go with Gibbs over at Yep Yep with the most obvious nomination of Emmanuelle Chriqui.  My reasons for this are threefold. First, because she’s so hot she makes my eyes drool.  Second, because she’s not a raging bitch like Megan Fox has turned out to be.  Third, Entourage has been absolutely terrible this season, and I STILL watch every Sunday just to see that little redheaded fuck bumble around and screw things up with her so I feel like I have a chance.

If I was Megan Fox, I’d take this opportunity to screw us all up and release a sex tape on that date so that we all have to post it and look like retards.  That’d show us!  Man would our faces be red…

I’m glad someone finally did this, because I’m too lazy… but I’ve been saying this for years.  It’s always bothered me that this show was so big, yet it had a gaping plot hole… which is, of course, the fact that anyone would even have sex with any of the ghoulish creatures that make up the leading roles (except the brunette).  Even with copious amount of alcohol flowing through my body, the mere site of any of these Resident Evil characters naked would leave my penis traumatized like a Vietnam vet.  No guy is going to put his junk in jeopardy because the woman wears yet another dress with a big ass flower on the shoulder.  The best acting in this show are the love interests of these women that actually have to feign enjoyment and fight repulsion during sex scenes.

Hilariously on-point comment below:

Ebony Magazine, August 1985: Predicting what stars would look like in the year 2000.

What he actually looked like:

He totally didn’t have a mustache…psshh.  Idiots.

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There are few people in the entertainment industry that I get genuinely excited about seeing live, and this dude’s one of them.  Pot-smoking recluse Dave Chappelle brought reality to the Twitter and Facebook rumors and showed up at a makeshift stage in Portland this morning.  From Oregon Live:

Thousands of people packed the square late Tuesday night and into Wednesday morning, drawn by the ethereal promise of an appearance by the popular comedian. They stayed two hours despite a tiny sound system that made Chappelle nearly inaudible, creating one of the most remarkable spontaneous gatherings in Portland history.

Chappelle’s Portland visit was the hottest search trend on Google this morning and thousands turned to Twitter to chat about the remarkable event.

The rumor came through Twitter and text and Facebook, and it seemed too good to be true: the wildly popular comic appearing at midnight in the middle of Portland — for free?

A mostly 20-something, expectant crowd filled the square until it was crammed full. By midnight thousands stood shoulder to shoulder, forming a bigger crowd than the Greg Oden and playoff rallies the Trail Blazers have held in the square in recent years.

“It’s like Woodstock,” said Keith Kunis, a 25-year-old marketing student at Portland Community College. “Davestock 2009.”

I’m sure the quality of marijuana in Oregon had nothing to do with the location of this concert.  Nothing at all.

I guess he’s planning on doing a couple more of these…so stay tuned.

Some pretty shitty video after the jump:

Thanks to Johnny Internets over at The Daily What for the heads up.

Billy Mays, famed TV spokesman and perpetual loud-talker, died today at the age of 50.  Apparently he didn’t feel well ever since he hit his head on a rough landing, which makes the above picture creepy as shit, and is probably making rfbandit feel like absolute crap.  From the Huffington Post:

“Tampa police said Mays’ wife found him unresponsive Sunday morning. A fire rescue crew pronounced him dead at 7:45 a.m. It was not immediately clear how he died. He said he was hit on the head when an airplane he was on made a rough landing Saturday, and his wife, Deborah Mays, told investigators he didn’t feel well before he went to bed about 10 p.m. that night.”

It’s no secret that I’m quite fond of Billy Mays, so in his honor, I’M GOING TO YELL THE REST OF THIS POST!!!  REST IN PEACE BILLY!!  THANKS FOR MAKING OUR LIVES EASIER, ONE “BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE” AT A TIME!!

Not him. Some guy named Bubby Gram. Friggin weird, right?

Michael Jackson was such an event of a person that people all over the world strived to be him.  For your entertainment, I’ve comprised a list of the 5 better impersonators I could find on video in order to help you feel better about his passing.  Largely because even though he’s gone, you can find comfort in the fact that you’re not one of these people.  Enjoy.

1. Navi

2. This Guy…Billie Jean Performance

3. The Kid From Moonwalker (starts around the 2:25 mark)

4. Ben Jackson

5. Suleman Mirza (can’t embed because he’s an asshole, so just click the video, one of the better ones)

Update: 9:40 PM PST – Just saw Hail Mary Jane thought of the same thing (I suppose great minds think alike)  but they have a couple I don’t so go check them out if you want more.

(1958-2009)

“He made Thriller…Thriller…” – Dave Chappelle

Michael Jackson was rushed to the hospital today from what appears to be cardiac arrest, he never recovered.  TMZ broke the news:

We’ve just learned Michael Jackson has died. He was 50.

Michael suffered a cardiac arrest earlier this afternoon and paramedics were unable to revive him. We’re told when paramedics arrived Jackson had no pulse and they never got a pulse back.

Update: 3:28 PM PST The Los Angeles Times just confirmed it.

My condolences go out to the Jackson family.  All bullshit drama aside, he was by far one of the greatest entertainers of all time.

Rest in peace Michael.

Mike at his prime:

The Michael tribute from his 30th Anniversary special at MSQ

Another tribute video set to his song “Ben”

Farrah Fawcett died this morning from a rare anal cancer she was diagnosed with in 2006.  She was 62, and one of the most iconic beauties of all time.  No jokes here this shit is seriously sad. 

Her LA Times Obit.

Transformers 2 comes out June 24th, so Megan Fox (and the other guy in the film) have been flying around giving the rest of the world yet another smoking hot reason to hate America.  I haven’t read a whole lot about the film because movies have been pretty disappointing lately, but from these pictures I can assume it’s going to be just great.  I’ve catalogued (for my UK readers) them by location.  Enjoy.

I’ll update as the tour continues.

England

Germany

France

Korea

Japan

I was reading all the hooplah over Heidi Pratt being admitted to a Costa Rican hospital over the weekend.  Apparantly she wasn’t doing well, according to Stephanie Pratt, Spencer Pratt’s retarded sister.

“They kept them locked up and through the roof they were dropping spiders the size of [Heidi's] hands in on her in the black.”

“They treated them like they were criminals or terrorists,” she added.

“She was throwing up 30 times with nothing in her stomach,” Stephanie said. “She was really sick. She thought she was dying….I know they pulled such shitty antics,” she said. “But being treated like criminals or terrorists? It’s insane!”

David Carradine was found dead in his hotel room this morning.  It’s been reported that he hung himself. From the New York Times:

“David Carradine, the star of the 1970s television series “Kung Fu” and the title villain of the “Kill Bill” movies, has died in Thailand, The Associated Press reported. The United States Embassy in Bangkok told The A.P. that Mr. Carradine had been found dead in his hotel suite in Bangkok, where he was working on a movie. He was 72.

After a short run as the title character in the 1966 television adaptation of the Western “Shane,” he found fame in the 1972 series “Kung Fu” as Kwai Chang Caine, a wanderer raised by Shaolin monks to be a martial arts master. He enjoyed a career resurgence in recent years when he was cast by Quentin Tarantino in the action movies “Kill Bill: Vol. 1″ and “Vol. 2.”

“What happens in a man’s life is already written.”

One of my favorite Carradine scenes:

Here’s Jamie Foxx and Halle Berry at the Spike TV Guys Choice Awards on Saturday.  What a lucky asshole. As he was presenting her with the much deserved “Decade Of Hotness” Award, she decided she’d give him a shot at kid #2 right on stage, not only grabbing his bidness but in-turn allowing him to get a whole palmful of perfect Halle Berry buttcheek in the process.  This looks just like that time I presented Mrs. Perry the Teacher Of The Year award in middle school except with slightly less tongue and less police.

Found@