The High Definite

Best part?  Titties2.jpg is the original file name.  Bravo, Cracked.

You will never experience a moment more incredible than this.  Ever.

Matt Stafford and Marisa Miller were at the Axe Lounge in Fontainebleau Miami Beach when Marisa decided to give him a boner in front of everyone.

Gotta give him credit though, he held it together pretty well.  I’d be going through a mixture of giggling, weeping, and trying not to ejaculate in my pants in front of the media…just like the 7th grade dance all over again.  Memories.

Via

The American Apparel search for their new ass cheek model is on, and in an effort to find this model amongst the presumed millions of fine female posteriors across the globe…these Mensa members went and did it in the sexiest way possible  From contest site:

We’re looking for a brand new bum (the best in the world!) to be the new “face” for our always expanding intimates and briefs lines. The winners will be flown to LA, photographed and featured online. Send in a close-up photo of your backside wearing American Apparel panties, bodysuits or briefs for consideration and vote for your personal favorites.

You can submit your photo here.

The gallery is here and it’s just a great time.

If you’re shy…just send them to me and I’ll submit it for you. (sigh) The things I do for you guys…

These are the outtake photos of Miranda Kerr’s GQ shoot that I posted a week ago.  Since I’m the most thorough investigative journalist in the history of investigations (or journalism) I felt compelled to share.  It’s no surprise to me that these outtakes are hotter than any of the final shoots I’ve seen this week…she could be surrounded by dead puppies and the collapse of democracy and most of us would still be trying to find someplace to be alone with them. Just like last time, the rest (2 of the glorious, glorious 3) are pretty NSFW and therefore after the jump.

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This is Miranda Kerr in the February issue of Gentlemen’s Quarterly…and now I’ve got to try to figure out a way to explain to IT why my new monitor is covered in drool and teethmarks.

The rest of the photos are pretty NSFW (so they’re after the jump):

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Here’s Mila Kunis at the LA premiere of The Book Of Eli yesterday.  Oggle on.

All pics via

When the surgery enhanced Victoria Beckham Armani ads came out last year, my penis couldn’t tell if I was looking at a woman in her underwear or one of the cars from The Fast and The Furious.  Fortunately, the marketing staff at Armani got good at making blatantly obvious decisions and replaced the pissed off fembot with this attractive young lady, who requires no modifications except “nakeder”.

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Solved. Blake Lively… Sherlock Holmes NYC premiere…attractive…additional boner reference…etc. (It’s Friday)

Pics via

First off, if you’re making the same retarded looking face I make when I see ridiculously hot women that’s kind of a cross between a bad elvis impersonation and a look of disgust…then that’s hilarious.

Secondly, and slightly more importantly, this is Attack of the Show host Olivia Munn’s layout for Maxim’s January 2010 issue, or the reason your IT staff is out today.  Enjoy.

PS: If a more proper set of photos shows up I’ll update these accordingly.

Mila Kunis did a photoshoot with BlackBook for their December issue…it went really well.  Sorry.  That’s as good as it’s going to get for this one. I tried writing a clever post about how hot she is but it ended up just sounding like I camp outside her house at night masturbating furiously into that bush below her bedroom with the pointy leaves that I hide my ladder under.  That would have been awkward.

The full article here.