The High Definite

Wins every time.

Seriously, don’t fuck this up.  Click to enlarge.

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The “info” button never lies.

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You will never experience a moment more incredible than this.  Ever.

Matt Stafford and Marisa Miller were at the Axe Lounge in Fontainebleau Miami Beach when Marisa decided to give him a boner in front of everyone.

Gotta give him credit though, he held it together pretty well.  I’d be going through a mixture of giggling, weeping, and trying not to ejaculate in my pants in front of the media…just like the 7th grade dance all over again.  Memories.

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The 3 week long, city-wide, 24/7 water gun assassination game has started sign-ups for the San Francisco and New York games.  The basics of the event, from the StreetWars website:

At the start of the game you will receive a manila envelope containing the following:

• A picture of your intended target(s)
• The home address of your intended target(s)
• The work address of your intended target(s)
• The name of your intended target(s)
• Contact information of your intended target(s)

Upon receipt of these items, your (or your team’s) mission is to find and kill (by way of water gun, water balloon or super soaker) your target(s).

You can hunt your target down any way you see fit; you can pose as a delivery person and jack them when they open the door, disguise yourself and take them out on the street, etc.

If you are successful in your assassination attempt, the person you killed will give you their envelope and the person they were supposed to kill becomes your new target. This continues until you work yourself through all the players and retrieve the envelope with your (or your team’s) picture(s) and name(s). Then you win. Cash…but first live in fear.

If you live in NYC or Frisco you better not waste the opportunity to get involved in this ridiculously awesome event.

Sign up and live in fear…lucky bastards…it’ll be $45 regardless of your location.

NYC (July 12th, 2010 – August 10th 2010) Sign Up | Deadline: March 27, 3:03pm

San Francisco (April 5th, 2010 – May 2nd 2010) Sign Up | Deadline: July 03, 12:07pm.

Boston’s Big Picture today.  Click the picture.

…and if that’s not enough, COED Mag did a skankier, more boob-filled version here. 

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There are few people in the entertainment industry that I get genuinely excited about seeing live, and this dude’s one of them.  Pot-smoking recluse Dave Chappelle brought reality to the Twitter and Facebook rumors and showed up at a makeshift stage in Portland this morning.  From Oregon Live:

Thousands of people packed the square late Tuesday night and into Wednesday morning, drawn by the ethereal promise of an appearance by the popular comedian. They stayed two hours despite a tiny sound system that made Chappelle nearly inaudible, creating one of the most remarkable spontaneous gatherings in Portland history.

Chappelle’s Portland visit was the hottest search trend on Google this morning and thousands turned to Twitter to chat about the remarkable event.

The rumor came through Twitter and text and Facebook, and it seemed too good to be true: the wildly popular comic appearing at midnight in the middle of Portland — for free?

A mostly 20-something, expectant crowd filled the square until it was crammed full. By midnight thousands stood shoulder to shoulder, forming a bigger crowd than the Greg Oden and playoff rallies the Trail Blazers have held in the square in recent years.

“It’s like Woodstock,” said Keith Kunis, a 25-year-old marketing student at Portland Community College. “Davestock 2009.”

I’m sure the quality of marijuana in Oregon had nothing to do with the location of this concert.  Nothing at all.

I guess he’s planning on doing a couple more of these…so stay tuned.

Some pretty shitty video after the jump:

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Here’s Jamie Foxx and Halle Berry at the Spike TV Guys Choice Awards on Saturday.  What a lucky asshole. As he was presenting her with the much deserved “Decade Of Hotness” Award, she decided she’d give him a shot at kid #2 right on stage, not only grabbing his bidness but in-turn allowing him to get a whole palmful of perfect Halle Berry buttcheek in the process.  This looks just like that time I presented Mrs. Perry the Teacher Of The Year award in middle school except with slightly less tongue and less police.

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