High Definite/Stupid Fucking Ideas

I’ve posted my stance on these useless, paid-for pieces of shit before, so I won’t bore you with it again. However, I thought I’d provide a quick rundown of pertinent information in regards to the bills and the actions of sites far more important than this one to combat them.

• Why Reddit, Boing Boing, Videosift, Wired, and The Oatmeal have joined the thousands of other sites protesting the bills today.

• Mark Zuckerberg: “Facebook opposes SOPA and PIPA, and we will continue to oppose any laws that will hurt the internet.”

• Boing Boing’s managing editor, Rob Reschizza, speaks to Al Jazeera about the bills. (Video)

• Google’s Anti-SOPA Page and its arguments against the bill.

• Why Wikipedia went dark, and how to access it during the blackout. (By the way, I’ve been using it all morning. Just hit Esc right when the page loads.) There is one page that is fully accessible. Here are a bunch of uninformed retards on Twitter that have no idea what’s going on.

• Although Senator Marco Rubio (co-sponsor of SOPA’s sister bill PIPA/prick) has withdrawn his support for the bill, The Daily What reminds us:

Make no mistake: SOPA has not been shelved. And a vote on PIPA is just around the corner. Luckily, hundreds of companies, charities, and notable individuals with strong moral character have joined forces to stop these dangerous Big Brother bills from moving forward.

• 20 Images That Will Change Your Life

• The RIAA reponds to the protests.

I will continue to post as usual today on The High Definite, partially because I get bored at my real job and that’s why I do this in the first place, but mostly because I don’t want to disappoint the 3 of you that read this site.

Take action. Now.

If the ads for Kevin James’s Zookeeper aren’t annoying enough, a Consumerist reader noticed the powers that be decided to waste marketing dollars on digitally inserting an ad into a How I Met Your Mother rerun.

Also: That’s enough, Kevin James.

Consumerist | Via

Literally.

Via

Context | Via

People lose their shit when a parent spanks their kid (even though it works), yet TLC’s disgusting circus on child beauty pageant contestants and their fucking insane mothers, Toddlers and Tiaras, can show a 5-year-old going through an eyebrow waxing on national television while her childhood-raping mother consoles her with the compassion of an Abu Ghraib prison guard.

Fuck this show, the parents, and the network that broadcasts it.  The end.

Via

Neil Summers, Royal Marine Commando, award-winning inventor, father to five daughters, and a giant crotch-kicking pussy, invented the Kick Dummy, a self-defense tool with the primary purpose of improving your ability to kick people in the groin.

If you happen to be confronted by an angry Luchador with no arms, you’ll be ready.

Blackface glaze, oversized lips….

Damn, Duncan Hines.

“Watch them sing” here. | Via

Duke University alumni Karen Owen sent a “Fuck List” in Powerpoint form to three of her friends last May, ranking various guys at Duke on their ability to bone.  However, since we all know you can’t send anything to “just 3 friends”, one of them forwarded it on, which lead to its inevitable viral state.  A lot of athletes are on the list, including members of Duke University’s already controversial lacrosse team. Here were the criteria:

Deadspin has the document in full here.  It gets pret-ty saucy.

First rule of marketing: Know your audience.

Via | Context

West Vancouver officials are testing out new types of speed bumps today as part of a $15k  safety program that will run this week. The speed bumps use the Trompe-l’œil technique to give the appearance of a 3D child in the vehicle’s path as it approaches the speed bump.  From Discover Magazine:

In what sounds like a terrifying experience, the girl’s elongated form appears to rise from the ground as cars approach, reaching 3D realism at around 100 feet, and then returning to 2D distortion once cars pass that ideal viewing distance. Its designers created the image to give drivers who travel at the street’s recommended 18 miles per hour (30 km per hour) enough time to stop before hitting Pavement Patty–acknowledging the spectacle before they continue to safely roll over her.

Nothing promotes vehicular safety like desensitizing the act of running over children with your car.  I’m sure this will end well.